


whether near or far (i am always yours)

by wilsonrogers (hanbrough)



Series: post-endgame samsteve fics [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Infinity Stone Soul World (Marvel), M/M, Soul Stone (Marvel), Time Loop, fuck endgame we make our own canon, this is what i deserved from a4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanbrough/pseuds/wilsonrogers
Summary: "I can't watch you die again."in which a time loop threatens to confine steve to a lifetime of losing sam.





	whether near or far (i am always yours)

**Author's Note:**

> tags pretty much say it all. fuck endgame, and especially fuck what they did to steve, who was one of my favorite characters until they ruined him. title from the end of all things by p!atd, idea from a malec au. 
> 
> also, shoot me a comment if you need me to explain what happened bc honestly i wasn't sure how i was going to resolve this fic myself until v late into writing

(1)

Beyonce’s belting voice on the chorus of “Survivor” rudely jolts Steve from his comfortable sleep.

Beside him, Sam also comes to, nearly falling off the bed as he reaches over to turn off the alarm. Steve watches him rub his eyes and barely suppress a groan at what he sees on the screen. He thinks it’s adorable.

“Steve,” Sam says. “Fury texted; we have to go.” Steve responds with a groan of his own, rubbing the leftover sleep from his eyes as Sam updates him on the op.

“This early?” he mutters when Sam finishes. Sam nods, and Steve can’t help but lean over to gently kiss his husband (!!!) on the temple.

“If we finish early, we can spend the rest of the day in bed,” Steve suggests hopefully. Sam smirks.

“No time to waste, then.”

\--

Carol and Rhodey are already there when they arrive, carefully studying a hologram map.

“Is this everyone?” Steve asks, bemused. Not that he minds, of course, but many of the usuals are missing.

“Thor and Spider-Boy are off world,” Rhodey points out, gesturing them over to the map. “Scott and Hope are in the quantum realm. And who knows what Strange is up to.”

Standing around the hologram, they briefly discuss the battle plan. Carol heads in first, blasting a hole through the room, and the four each take on several goons at once.

The battle’s over fairly quickly, and Rhodey takes a quick scan of the room to make sure they didn’t miss anything.

“Ready to go home?” Sam’s grinning at Steve, and Steve can’t help but turn red. Even though it’s been a couple months since Thanos and the wedding, it still feels surreal that he actually gets to live the life he’s always wanted.

“Yep, let me just-”

He never gets to finish that sentence. A massive red beam zooms just past his head and hits Sam squarely in the heart.

Everything that happens after that is a blur. Steve can vaguely hear Carol and Rhodey yelling for reinforcements and medical help in the background, but deep down he knows it’s too late. There’s blood, _so much blood_ , and-

“I love y-” Flecks of blood dribble down Sam’s mouth as he gurgles his last words, and falls still.

(2)

“I’m a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up…”

Steve startles awake. Next to him, he feels the bed wobble as Sam nearly topples out in his efforts to turn off the alarm, audibly sighing.

“Fury texted; we have to go.”

_Wait, what?_

Steve struggles to breathe for a moment as Sam looks at him, awaiting a response. It’s a coincidence, he tells himself. They can have two early morning missions in a row. Anything’s possible, when you’re Avengers.

“Steve?” Sam looks concerned as the silence stretches on. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Steve says shakily, forcing a smile. “Everything’s fine.”

\--

When Sam dies in his embrace, blood dripping everywhere, it’s the worst deja vu of Steve’s life.

(3)

He convinces Sam to stay in bed, while Steve goes out on the mission alone. It takes some time, but Sam finally agrees.

It doesn’t matter, though, because somehow, the beam’s power is transferred to Steve when it just barely grazes him, and when he returns home, he knocks Sam out cold with a single touch.

(4)

“Stay - stay with me?”

“What?” Sam looks confused; Steve has never been the one to deliberately skip a mission. “Fury’s counting on us.”

“Please,” Steve says, trying to keep his voice from shaking. He’s not sure if he succeeds, but Sam doesn’t comment on it. “Just this once.”

Sam must see a look in his eyes, because after a few moments, he acquiesces.

“Okay,” he sighs. “Okay.”

\--

Fate still finds a way, when Sam’s brutally stabbed by a pair of intruders during the rare moment that Steve isn't looking.

(5)

“So I die, and you keep reliving it?”

“Yes,” Steve says sorrowfully, putting his head in his hands. There’s a beat of silence.

“Why don’t we ask Strange for help? The dude plays with magic for a living; he would know what’s going on.” Steve looks up, dumbfounded that he hadn’t thought of that earlier. For the first time in five days, his heart flutters with hope.

That hope, is of course diminished when Strange tells him he’ll need time to work on it. “I’ve never heard of anything like it,” Strange says thoughtfully, scratching his goatee and flipping through one of his spellbooks.

“What are we supposed to do in the meantime, then?” Steve asks, trying not to get frustrated. He fails.

“We’ll just have to try everything in the book until we get to the right solution,” Strange replies coolly, waving his hands and conjuring up a portal. “And there’s a lot of them, so let’s hope this first one works.”

It doesn’t.

(12)

“How many times have you seen me die?” Sam asks as soon as Steve has explained the situation yet again.

“I can’t remember,” Steve replies, even though he knows it’s been exactly twelve days of watching Sam die in his arms, twelve days of hell.

“Did you ask Strange for help-”

“Yes; he’s tried solution after solution, and none of them have worked-” Steve’s voice cracks, and he turns away. Sam takes his hand.

Solution eight joins the others in failure.

(15)

“I’m a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up…”

Rolling over, Steve stuffs his face in his pillow to muffle the sound of his scream.

“Steve?” Sam looks at him, concerned.

“I fucking hate this song.”

(17)

Steve can’t deal with it, and so he runs.

Rhodey calls him later, telling him the news. It’s the most mundane way Sam could’ve gone, Steve figures, dying at the hands of a drunk driver.

(19)

“I’m done,” Steve whispers in anguish. “Whoever's out there, you win.”

(20)

“Do you think whatever’s happening is related to Thanos and the Infinity stones?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asks, tired. He picks at a loose thread on the bed sheet. “It’s been months since the war.”

“I mean, you guys did mess with the fabric of time when you went to retrieve those stones. And you specifically were the one to put them back. If it’s only happening to you, maybe…?” Sam trails off, shrugging as he sits down next to Steve on the bed.

“No, you’re right,” Steve looks up, eyes widening. “I never thought of it that way.” Sam had never suggested it in the previous iterations of the day, either.

“I often am,” Sam teases, nudging his shoulder gently.

When they tell Strange of this new revelation, he nods in approval.

“That does make sense,” he says. “It might mean I’ve been looking at these solutions all wrong.”

Strange does some hand wavy things, and after a couple of minutes, he gets a hard look in his eyes. “I know who’s done this to you.”

“Good,” Steve replies. “Because I’m going to kill them.”

\--

That’s how they end up on Vormir, cautiously waiting for Red Skull to emerge. When he does, he doesn’t look surprised to see them.

“What did you do?” Steve shouts. Red Skull smirks, his cape billowing in the air.

“ _I_ didn’t do anything,” he says simply. “You were the one to mess with the timeline. Surely you realized the consequences?”

Steve’s stomach drops, but he steps forward nonetheless. “You’re lying. Whatever you did, fix it,” he snarls. Red Skull’s eyes narrow.

“There is nothing I can do, Captain Rogers, unless…” As he trails off, his eyes flicker toward the bottomless pit. Steve follows his gaze.

Sam is the first to realize what he’s implying. “No,” he says immediately, reaching out for Steve’s hand. “Steve, you’re not dying for me.”

“Sam,” Steve says gently. He looks over at his husband, whose eyes are brimming with tears. “I’d do anything for you.”

With that, he takes the final step, and falls.

He wakes up to the sound of Beyonce.

(21)

“Back again?”

Red Skull’s voice booms across the cliff, and Strange portals them closer.

“Strange used his magic and found out it was you,” Steve says coldly. “You made me sacrifice myself, and it still didn’t work. So tell us the truth, now.”

“I truly have no idea what you’re talking about, Captain Rogers. All I do is guard the stone. Perhaps it’s the stone that has a problem with you.” Steve turns to Sam, eyebrows raised. The point did make sense. But-

“How am I supposed to retrieve it without anyone dying?” Steve wonders aloud. His question is answered in seconds, however, when the stone miraculously floats up to him on its own.

“It seems that you have a particular connection with the soul stone since you were the one who put it back,” Strange notes. Sam takes a step back.

“Okay,” Steve says, perplexed. “But what am I supposed to do with it now?” Strange shrugs.

“That,” he says, “is for you to figure out.”

Tentatively, Steve reaches out to touch the stone.

Abruptly, he finds himself standing in some shallow water, looking up at a dim orange sky. There are vaguely human-looking shapes that seem to be coming closer to him. He waits.

“Steve?” A voice calls. Steve stiffens - he recognizes that voice.

“Natasha?” Sure enough, a familiar redhead stands in front of him, looking hesitant.

“How are you?” Steve asks, softly. He blinks away tears.

“As good as I can be,” she replies, reaching in for a hug.

“We miss you up there,” Steve sniffs as she pulls away. “You saved the world.”

“Then I don’t regret my sacrifice,” Natasha says truthfully. “How about you? Did you finally let yourself live the life you deserve?”

“Yes,” he says. “Sam and I - I wish you could’ve been there.”

“Me too,” Natasha looks at the water sadly. “But I’m happy for you.”

“Where are we?” Steve inquires after a moment of silence, looking up at the sky. It’s beautiful, in a haunting sort of way. Natasha shrugs.

“Somewhere beyond,” she responds. “Or at least I am.” Sighing, she turns.

“Where are you going?” Steve calls out as Natasha walks away. For the briefest of moments, she looks back.

“You gave me the closure I needed. Now it’s time for you to go back to where you belong.”

“Wait!” Steve reaches out - it’s not enough time; he’s not ready to say goodbye again -

one.

“Steve?”

Steve jerks up; if Sam is already awake, then-

He looks at the clock. For the first time in three weeks, it’s past 9. Beyonce’s voice doesn’t ring out.

Steve laughs in a combination of disbelief and relief. “You’re here. You're actually here.”

“Of course I am,” Sam says comfortingly. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

And so he does.


End file.
